One of life’s many blessings that I cherish are those moments when I am alone – not lonely, but alone – when I don’t have to meet people or engage in any conversation whether with friends, acquaintances or strangers: In other words, those rare precious times when I am truly left to my own device.
I call this my going within time. Having nobody to talk to, argue with, exchange or bounce off ideas with, get annoyed or upset at is for me a great honour and privilege for it gives me an opportunity to go within myself and get to know myself in ways that interacting with other people does not.
Unlike a lot of people who would automatically switch on the television or put on a DVD when they’re on their own, I have no need for distractions, not even by my own wandering thoughts, day dreams or ruminating about things. On the contrary, being alone allows me to be still and enter a depth of being that every day life often prevents one from doing.
So, what is it that I do when I’m on my own? Nothing much. But it’s a nothing that I savour and relish with a sense of fullness and joy without an ounce of boredom or ennui. What after all is boredom other than the need to get away from yourself because you can’t stand having to face yourself when there is no external distraction to take you away from who you are?
Not doing anything (at least nothing that takes me away from myself) other than enjoying the moment or doing little things that keep me in the moment such as doing puzzles, finishing an inspiring book or doing some physical exercises, is a terrific way of keeping myself balanced and putting my life in perspective.
For a start, it is difficult to be unhappy, annoyed, impatient, resentful or have similar negative feelings when you’re genuinely enjoying your ‘me’ time – at least for me anyway – simply because the person, also known as the ego, that likes to feel these things when confronted with external issues and other people, is suddenly not around or at any rate not welcome during this quiet time.
The ego can only raise its ugly little head when it has to face the world, most of the time to control it or scare it off. When it’s alone however, when it has to look at itself in the mirror, it either frightens itself by its own ugliness or gets embarrassed and conceals itself until it meets other egos to compete or get in conflict with.
Hence, bereft of my mischievous ego, with its mulling over the past and worrying about the future not to mention endless opinions and constant need to think things over, judge every circumstance and other people, I find a tremendous sense of calm and relief.
How fun and light everything is. The incessant rain outside beating against the window far from giving thoughts of floods and other inconveniences sounds fascinating to the ears. When I feel comfortable in my own body, accepting of my being and not pulled this way and that way by my thoughts, for some reason everything becomes interesting and nothing is frightening.
This is because the ego is not around to make mental judgment, attach label or pull out all sorts of past references to project them to whatever it is it’s faced with.
Many people cannot stand being on their own for any length of time and go out of their way to avoid it because they are attached to their ego and being alone for too long without distraction and forced to examine their thoughts and feelings is at best unpleasant and boring and at worst painful because the ego cannot withstand self examination.
An ego that is forced to look at itself soon finds itself diminished in capacity and ceases to have relevance. And what that happens what remains is our true selves, who we really are. And this we can only find if we go within ourselves, past the ego, past those layers of stale thoughts and random thinking until we reach our original, creative and joyful self.
This is why I like being alone. It makes me feel alive.
